Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Staring at the world through my rearview...

We all look back and wonder what could have been. What if I had done this better? What if I had picked up the phone and called him one last time? What if I wasn’t such a dick? The results of our current situation are the scars of the life that we’ve inflicted upon ourselves. Yet what if the scars that we've been adorned with were the best things to happen to us? I remember spending my summers in Ongole, India, on the third floor of my grandfather's house just watching the sun set on another gloriously hot day. While the pavement cooled beneath my bare feet I could hear the playful bickering and incessant taunting between my mother and her siblings. In that moment, it meant nothing. It was just another day and in all likelihood I was bored out of my mind. But, looking back now, those moments were some of the best of my life. The smells and sounds are ones I can never forget. The smell of dust and the nightly meal being prepared, coupled with the sounds of rickshaw drivers strumming their bells and the vegetable merchants calling out the specials of the day still pierce all the senses embedded within me. These moments are the ones I remember, because it is these moments that I failed to appreciate at the time. The house where my grandfather raised his family still stands, but he is no longer with us. And the pack of my mother's siblings has dwindled from a strong foundation of five to just three. The venue that housed us all and which was once filled with life, is now empty and filled only with the voices of past conversations and the unappreciated steps we once laid upon the unrefined cement. The most egregious part of it all is I never got to tell them how much it all meant. I never got to pick up the phone and tell them how much even the most inconsequential moment of one summer shaped the way I am today. As a kid, time is it at a standstill. The way we presented ourselves and lived our lives was predicated on the assumption that all those we loved and cherished would be with us for the rest of our lives. The moments ingrained in us today did not hold that same sanctity when we were actually living through them. Unfortunately, all that is good never lasts. Instead we are left with memories and an infinite amount of "what ifs". To reckon that we are the controllers of our time is but a fool's dream. So when you wake up tomorrow, whether it be brushing your teeth or driving to work, savor the moment and be one with time instead of letting it pass you right on by. Because in the end, "that's all life is really, a series of moments".

***Please forgive the corny aura of this post. After we all have our moments of bathing in corn syrup.***